Monday, June 24, 2013
Monday Inspiration: Turning 25
This is more reflection that inspiration.
When I started this blog back in January a part of it dealt with the fact that on Thursday I will be turing 25. For some reason, I am really having issues with 25. It doesn't make sense, I get that. 25 is still young. But I think I might be having a quater life crisis. And this is where it is stemming from..
Like many young twenty somethings, I often find myself not knowing really where I belong.
I feel torn about what my expectations were at 25 and the reality of the situation I really thought I would have figured it out by now. (I am such a hard critic of myself. Seriously, it's bad.) I would have had an awesome job, a dog, and not living in a tiny apartment. I would be traveling the world, kicking ass and taking names. I don't want kids any time soon but I am constantly surrounded by conversations about babies. Now dont get me wrong, I am happy for friends and family who are working towards their goals and dreams of having families. I just tend to tune out most conversations about baby products or I jump on facebook to see friends seeing the world and doing really awesome things and thinking, that should be me.
And here I am. Doing what? Going to school still. Waiting another year to just decide what to do. Still waiting for the end of the light at the tunnel. And I am not a patient person. D is always great about it, always telling me positive things. In so many ways, he really is my home.
But I dont know. 25. What do you do with that? It makes me want to be reckless, it makes me want to go and make mistakes. I feel like I need to cling to this time when I can do things like this but I also want to move forward and not stress about money, or missing out because I work late nights or not seeing D because we have such different schedules.
Often times I have to tell myself that who the hell really knows what they want or who they are at 25? Maybe it's hard because where I live, most people by 25 have at least 2 kids. Maybe it's hard because most of my friends are a little bit older than me and settling into a more stable life. Maybe it's hard because I get offended when I get scoffed for staying up late and sleeping in, for drinking a bottle of wine just because or when I don't show the correct emotion. Maybe it's hard because I just want to go out and have fun, to just be. Responsibilities and decorum be damned.
Some things help, I have been writing a lot more. Getting thoughts out on paper (or computer) helps sort out the mess in my head. I take time for myself and do simple things I love. I try really really hard not to get offended by how people react to what I do, knowing that we are all at different points in our lives. I vent. I listen to loud music and I speak my mind. I go outside and find quiet. And it is not to say that I am not happy. I love D and we do a lot of fun things. I am content with my life just at a point of ready to move on to the next thing.
As Alex Clare says, I guess I just got to keep going on.....